Slow Burn

I am a slow burner. It takes me a while to get really fired up, unless you’ve threatened my family, chosen family or defenseless animals. Even then, my temper starts out at a simmer and slowly heats up to full burning outrage. And once I’m there — it also takes a while to simmer back down. During that time, I’m allowing myself to feel everything — the anger, the rage, the hurt, the sadness, frustration, betrayal — all those emotions that pushed me to that point.

And you know what doesn’t help at all? Other people telling me, “It’s going to be OK.” “It’s time to accept {whatever caused the pain in the first place}.” “Why can’t we all get along.” Empty sentiments that ultimately negate my feelings, making my feelings and thoughts less worthy than theirs because I have the gall to be expressing them. I understand the intention behind them, that they don’t mean to be hurtful but…it does not help. Yeah yeah yeah, must be nice to live so cluelessly behind your privilege that you don’t have to even worry about the future like I and so many others do. And I’m not just concerned about my sorry little self, either. I’ve had to strengthen my shields because the waves of fear and pain from others are pushing against my empathic nature and it’s causing me even MORE pain, because I really really do feel you.

Soon, soon I will be ready to come out of my shell of grief but don’t rush me. Stop trying to rush me. Plans must be made, strategies formed, defenses created and that doesn’t happen overnight or in 5 days. I’ve been simmering and boiling over since Trump started running back in 2015, warning and crying out what’s going to happen — not just to the “other side” if he wins but to those that vote for him because he WILL betray you. (And has already started.) And to be honest – I’m more afraid of Pence taking over if Trump does what Trump does best: dump in someone else’s lap because he doesn’t want to deal with it. Trump is a walking talking caricature, a buffoon who pandered to the lowest and basest of our nation to get the votes…but Pence. Pence is pure evil wearing a suit of pseudo-Christian righteousness. I don’t want Trump impeached or assassinated or taken out because that means Pence and that is even worse.

I’m slowly simmering down — and making plans. Planning on how I, personally, will survive the coming apocalypse when the safety net I survive on is taken away from me. (SS and Medicare). Planning on how I will help fight for civil rights for ALL people, not just well-off, white, cisgendered heterosexual Christians. So maybe those who are calling for me to just shut up already ought to be happy that I’m still spouting off…because it’s when I get quiet that you ought to worry.

Because that’s when I’m getting ready to unleash whatever I’ve been working on and NOT talking about.

I’m a sneaky bitch like that.






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