Just something very silly that makes me laugh. I probably won’t find it funny for long…especially every time I do laundry but for now, it’s hilarious. And if you need to laugh…laugh with me. A cure for the winter and holiday blues.
Originally posted from Regretsy (oh…how you are missed):
3 years ago, I made an awesome discovery: the audiobook version of Barack Obama’s Dreams From My Father.
The main draw of the audiobook is that it’s actually narrated by Obama. It’s interesting to hear him imitate the voices of some of the people that have been important in his life. Like Ray, for example.
Ray, a former high school classmate, was savvy and streetwise, with a new take on black culture and white America. Best of all, Ray had an extremely colorful manner of self-expression. In other words, he cursed. A lot.
That means the President curses. A lot.
In fact you’re about to hear the POTUS swear like a motherfucker.
When I first posted these, about 8 months before I started Regretsy, I got over 30 million hits and a lot of hate mail. So before you decide to write me a long boring email I’ll need help to read, ask yourself one thing:
Which one is your new ringtone? (I have added what they say in parenthesis so you can choose whether you really want it. Because when this comes out over your phone in mixed company…well…you can imagine.)
White Folks (“There are white folks, and then there are ignorant motherfuckers like you.”)
You Can Have My Number (“Sure you can have my number baby”)
Nothin’ on Me (“Now you know that guy ain’t shit. Sorry ass motherfucker ain’t got nothin’ on me, right? Nothin’.”)
Too Complicated (“This shit’s getting way too complicated to me”)
Buy Your Own Fries (“You ain’t my bitch, nigga. Buy your own damn fries”)
via Gina St. Phillips, a Nasty Pantsuited Woman
I’ve been having a wonderful daydream in which President Obama invites President Elect Trump and Melania Trump to live at the White House as his guests for a week, during which time Donald Trump remains at Obama’s side every moment he is on the job. At the end of that time, Trump has a rare moment of self-awareness and realizes there is no way in hell he can do this job. Trump resigns, Melania sighs in relief (and spends the next six months at a spa in a cloister), and Mike Pence becomes President Elect,
Mike Pence is caught meeting with his gay lover who is also a skilled and compassionate doctor (with terrible taste in men) who performs life-saving emergency abortions, and Pence resigns like the hypocrite he is, thereby making Paul Ryan President Elect, but then…
Paul Ryan is caught with Anthony Weiner attempting to expose themselves at a child’s birthday party, (which would have been traumatizing for the kids if it weren’t for the fast thinking of a clown who quickly covered the offending areas with balloon animals). Giggling hysterically while his booking photos are taken, Paul Ryan resigns, thereby making Orrin Hatch President Elect, but then…
Orrin Hatch takes a long look around and says, “to heck with this mess, I’m retiring,” thereby making John Kerry President Elect.
Immediate crisis averted.
Four years later…
John Kerry chooses not to seek the nomination of the Democratic party for a second term and in a rout against Marco Rubio, Hillary Clinton becomes the first woman to be President of the United States of America.
Donald Trump opens Trumpland Amusement Park (using Chinese steel and undocumented Mexican workers) but he has to sell the project to Disney in order to pay off his debt to the IRS.
Melania Trump writes an original best-selling novel called “Scruples.”
Mike Pence divorces, marries the doctor, and together they tour the country in support of a progressive agenda.
Paul Ryan still insists his rhinoceros was larger than Anthony Weiner’s giraffe.
Orrin Hatch golfs in a league with President Obama.
EDIT: I’m overwhelmed by all the positive feedback, thank you Pantsuit Nation! Some of you have asked to share this off the group. I hereby give blanket permission with credit, and I really appreciate the courtesy! – Gina