I went back to my FB post of Jan 1 of this year (see bottom), where I focused on the One Word idea. I don’t like resolutions — they seem so negative to me and never last — so focusing on growing and creating just ONE thing in my life — that I could do.
My word was DISCIPLINE. I thought I could become more disciplined, and maybe find the motivation to move forward and do the things I want to do.
But as always, things didn’t quite work out as I’d planned.
Instead of truly being positively focused, my word “discipline” ended up turning into a negative of sorts. Discipline, in my mind, was to help me get on track toward making the “Right decisions” regarding exercise and diet. Needless to say, I lack serious discipline (and motivation). I just never keep to a plan, so trying to become “disciplined” toward it was a pipe dream. I was never going to start exercising daily or even regularly, or eating really healthily. Maybe if I’d chosen a different word, or approached it differently, I’d have gone down the right path. I don’t want to lose weight — I merely want to be healthy and strong and I know my cholestrol and blood pressure would appreciate such things.
But I did become more disciplined in other ways, and I can’t discount them. I maintained the boundaries I set regarding how I would allow others to treat me, and that is something I’ve always had difficulties managing. I’m a big softie, letting people get away with things that I should stop but don’t. My temper is a slow burn…but once it’s lit, it burns hot. So when I finally put my foot down and said, “Enough!” it really was enough. Toxic relationships were ended; I left a job that just wasn’t worth staying in any longer (was I fired? Did quit? Still not really sure but who cares. I’m done.)
I became more disciplined with how I spent my money, and that is a BIG deal for me. I’m poor, with little discretionary income. After my bills are paid I used to spend too much on filling my cabinets with food, as if I was going to starve. But I’d go overboard with it — every month, wasting food that wouldn’t get eaten. I’m only one person, I don’t need that much food in my house! So I’ve gotten better at budgeting my food, and then had a little left over at the end of the month for little “luxuries” — a digital movie, for instance. I’ve built a small library of Marvel and Star Wars films, buying them when they go on sale — movies I truly enjoy and will watch over and over again. Nothing big, but it’s a small expenditure that makes me smile.
I’m still trying to decide what my One Word for 2019 will be. I will be tightening my belt, financially, since I gave up that little job (but there may be a better one on the horizon crosses fingers) so I have some thought to put into it. What do I want to bring into my life that I don’t already have? There’s 45 minutes left to 2018.
Not a lot of time left…but then…I don’t really run on the Gregorian calendar. Ha.
**** the FB post itself:
Happy New Year. So now it’s 2018 and what do you do now? I don’t like making resolutions, because to me it’s like waiting until one day to make a change when you can just go ahead and make that change when it occurs to you to do it, you know? A big giant list of things to try and achieve always seemed to insurmountable to me. Plus, most resolutions lists seem to be made of negative things to stop doing or to be rid of: lose weight, get rid of debt, work out more (get fit/lose weight), etc. And they never last (at least for me, it never did.)
But Irene wrote yesterday about the One Word idea. Just one word that you focus on. One word that you want MORE of, that you want to grow and create within your life. I like that. That’s something I’ve done in smaller doses but for a whole year to focus on? It’ll be a challenge. (And I like a challenge….)
So my word: DISCIPLINE. Hoo boy do I need some. And it’ll help me in other areas once I achieve having some discipline.